You didn't understand when I told you I was handling drop-offs for the rest of the week and showed up at my door interrupting our morning routine me bleeding and wrapped in a towel and then L cried because NOW THINGS ARE NOT AS PLANNED? Of course.
I get stressed as we enter the building of our Very High End Public Optional School where L tells me the days are too long. People are nice enough but I feel like I set them on edge. It's probably just me but my skin is crawling.
We do the drop-off routine; that goes fine. Teacher 1 approaches me to tell me that it's better to store the chewy necklace she asked me to get for L high on the wall (where she cannot reach it) than in her cubby in a basket (okay? This is a Teacher 1 versus Teacher 2 problem. I do not care.). I say fine, but L has informed me that she's somehow misplaced her necklace between the time she went to independently put her snack in her cubby and come back to the whiteboard to complete the morning instructions.
Teacher 1 says no - it's in her cubby. It is not. As long as we're here - and since I have read the email that states the "parent-teacher conference" is really rather a child-led portfolio presentation - and it's a quiet moment, I take the opportunity to ask Teacher 1 about the seaweed problem.
The problem, she says, is that it's processed. What about applesauce pouches then. Should I not send those? Oh no. Those are fine. Actually, it's that it makes too much of a mess. L is told that she has the choice to eat the seaweed at lunch or after school. Okay. Then, the whole if I send seaweed I know she'll eat it if I send something else she probably won't and maybe that's where some behaviors are coming from (not all of course - but some)? No no they give her an applesauce pouch if she doesn't eat her veggies. Okay?
I know that I am sounding firm and making eye contact and perhaps making other parents uncomfortable at this point. I am not raising my voice however, and discussions (even high stakes ones!) are important for children to see adults have. Otherwise it may not be clear how to have them themselves!
Although I could just be whipping this out as a bullshit metaphor.
Then comes the bit where she asks me how much the chewy necklaces cost ($25; and I have to order them they aren't really available locally, and then I reiterate that if they can't find the one she already has I will order another one). That's a lot! she says. Then asks that if I can could I order another one anyway so I can take other one home and sanitize it.
Okay. No. Why? Context, sanitization, variables.
Context: this needs to be a tool for school not some shit she can wear around wherever so that it loses its contextual relevance. She can do other things for other places (the car! the public space! the home!) including EaT sEaWeEd but generally speaking she's not as oral in those other places because she's a) not as uncomfortable as she is at school; I'm not trying to guilt anyone, I just understand where's she's coming from because I, too, have trouble with that b) I don't have sitting still expectations built it for most places I take her because I've FUCKING MET MY DAUGHTER and c) I or another adult can usually provide more one-on-one attention and scaffolding for her in those contexts because they're. Just different. And they should! Be different.
Sanitization: My house is not clean my dude and I do not have anything at my house to sanitize whatever's hanging out in saliva better than you do at school. You already have what I assume is food-safe bleach spray or, I don't know, whatever hydrogen peroxide spray and if not why the fuck not?! Good for you! The only thing I can do better at my house is add cat hair and gluten. Are those things you want at school? Dust maybe? Canniboid particles (because of S)? LMK.
Variables: She straight up left her chewy necklace in her grandparents' car for a full day on Monday. There are a total of FIVE people to coordinate with regarding transporting this fucker to-and-from school and that's a big ass no thanks from me. I know that this will just end up with me, M, S, G, or my mom leaving it somewhere forgetting to pick it up, L wearing it to the car and dropping it in a snowbank and none of that is procedurally productive and my in-laws do NOT listen when I talk or read what I write (no shade, just facts) and adding a layer of complication is not going to help me not have uncomfortable conversations like this with you in the future!
...and then I cried on the way home because I felt like a monster.
...and then I texted S updates and have heard nothing in response. L. Oh. El.
...and then I tried to do some homework and just ended up writing this out before a Teams Meeting about fieldwork. *sigh*
Although I (kind of) know why I'm like this, it hasn't helped much in contexts like these because I just get SO FRUSTRATED. I absolutely DO NOT think I'm smarter than everyone else (don't start with that again, S) but I also DO NOT UNDERSTAND why when I ask questions or talk at fucking all lately I just get shut down. I will fucking as the questions until the answers click for me or change. Or some third option.
The "why are you talking" vibes are very strong these days! Actually they mostly have been. With most people. But there are layers of NOPE. I NEED you to acknowledge this because I am ADVOCATING for my child and, in a sense, for the perhaps future families whether they give a damn or not because fucking as a teacher one DOES have a relationship with a child's entire family. It. Is. An. Ecosystem. And that's simply not yet getting acknowledged. And we're halfway through the first semester.
There's time, for sure. But I am going to be HELLA relieved when L goes to 1/2 grade. Probably.
In the meantime, ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT.
