The Children of OT - What Beautiful Music They Make!

I worry sometimes. Okay.  Often. I often worry.

S was getting ready for work/waking up in our(?) bedroom, when I heard him loudly say "Deutsch." When he wandered into the office next door a few minutes later I asked him why he'd said deutsch upon which he got angry with me for asking him

"This is the third time I've asked you not to mention the things I say to myself in the mornings. They don't mean anything!"

After which he said that that was the last name of someone (a police officer, I think he said) at Eielson Base in Fairbanks.

*sigh* 

I cried a little. Partly because: hormones. I cry! It happens.

Partly because: why? Ugh. Things are...the same. I am worried.

L's back-to-school potluck was last night in a steady downpour. There were tents and we got to meet the kindy teacher who seems awesome. Everyone seems awesome. I don't know if I'll actually be able to feel connected, but I at least know that she's in a good school and people will see her and try their best for and with her and we will return the favor namaste.

And S actually went to the potluck, which was a pretty big deal. He doesn't usually show up for school stuff at all! It probably helped that an old friend of his from childhood was going to be there too and they could talk about their kids and old times. He didn't even actually seem upset to be there. Win!

Navigating the start of school and feeling disappointed in Last Week Me. I was supposed to clean the house from top to bottom and Get All the Things Done. I know that I'm often low energy, but it doesn't always help to acknowledge it. Even if it, too, is hormone-related. I also know that I need peer pressure to get things done and not the kind where I get yelled at to get things done, the kind where "Let's do this today!" or "Let's do that on Saturday!" and then the person waits for five minutes while I process that information, and then go "Fuck yeah, okay." And then we do it. Sometimes I can do it for myself and sometimes I can't. And I have this weird built-in thing where I feel like that's enough of x I need to leave the house now. Commence operation y and then have to do that. Maybe it's just a need for variety and balance. And making money. But in any case, for getting the Secret Attic insulated I'll probably need to ask my dad to come "help" me. By which I mean, tell me what to do to get started and maybe just hang out while I do it. Or do it with me. 

But S doesn't seem able to do it. L is five. And that's not really my mom's jam. And K is dealing with her own stuff at the moment.