11/8/2014

 I'm kind of mad at you this week. It's been about a year since that last time I've heard from you.

Mainly I'm just continuing this feeling of isolation. Discomfort, unease, quiet, busy-ness. Being as far as far can be. Thank fuck for my job. At least I feel loved during the day. 40 hours a week.

This time of year - fuck - most times of year I feel sucked into outer space. Although I've done a lot since I've been here, there's something in-between. Maybe because I don't really have many strong opinions any more. Part of getting older for introverts? Same amount of anger. Nowhere to direct it, really.

Myself, sometimes. My therapist doesn't suggest I do that. Reprogramming, reprogramming.

Gearing up for parent-teacher conferences. I'm sure I'll think of you while I'm sitting there talking to all the parents about their children. I'll take notes. I'll love it, I'm sure. I love meetings, conferences, interviews. I suppose I would have done well in business. I don't do well without a context.

Had a dream last night that my dad had died and nobody told me, but it was posted on Facebook. Metaphor for my life.

Still unpacking. Sc's spending lots of time unpacking. I'm filling out forms, evaluating small humans, and doing the occasional dish.

Was toying with the idea of taking a week to be lonely and angry in January. Or, maybe, the whole month. Like, just hole up at all the times I don't have to be at work or working out. Just - get it all out of the way, in January so I can enjoy December in Texas and the rest of 2015. March was exceptionally rough this year and there've been a few rough weeks since then.

There's a huge problem trying to balance self-care and all that shit and relationship, work, and Rocky. I suppose friends are what had to go. Have been going.

Anyway. What else is going on...? Level 41 in Skyrim. Both characters. Maybe I'll work on that some this evening.

Sc may have gotten some tequila to bring home by then. There's very little love more than tequila and Skyrim by myself. Then maybe some late night cleaning in that sweet spot of "too stressed and buzzed to go to sleep, so may as well be productive".

Hope all is well with you. Miss you.