Marked Lack of Compassion

One of the things I truly dislike about myself is the way in which I lack compassion for S. I know it. I'm aware of it. I hate it. But I can't seem to force myself to feel it.

Why?

Is it like one of those jobs that you've just done for so long and there's no infrastructure there for support so you started half-assing it just to get through the days and now even though the customers are complaining about the lackluster customer service you just...can't?

Today I drew The Devil card. Yesterday was The Hanged Man and the day before that 10 of Wands. Better now that over Christmas, I suppose. I've heard The Devil is all about the ways you obstruct yourself. How you're the one in your own way. You're chained down by your own choice and design. Typically there's a depiction of the devil and a man and a woman in manacles but in this particular deck it's a snake. And I think the snake is either the one living in Yggdrasil or one who tempted Eve. But in any case: we're looking at temptation and/or being slowly e't away at. 

Listening to: The Leaving Season by Kelly McMasters (10/10 so far)
Reading: Betsy and the Great World by Maud Hart Lovelace (7/10; points for nostalgia, less points for the racism we have all come to expect from the early 20th century)

My beef of the day: bruh just wear some earplugs or something if you're that pissed about hearing sleepy time music from down the hall. Adaptations are available. If it's really a problem, use them. And/or please approach the problem without starting the conversation with "Goddammit." at oh-dark-thirty in the morning. You're not typically the one handling middle-of-the-night wake-ups, thanks. Partial credit for backpedaling a little bit after waking up a little bit more in the morning, but Gregorian chanting while saying, "Oh! Soothing!" over and over again doesn't help at all. Been using sleepytime stories and music for fucking years now. Not stopping now. Don't think this is the hill I'm going to die on but - maybe!!!! 

Shoutout to my child's teacher for helping her detach this morning. Very much appreciated.

Self-focusing exercise for me: today we're figuring out the ghost of Christmas past and future 401ks, calling the guv'ment about health insurance because I don't remember the security questions I used for S and L's account and got locked out and should probably enroll them for 2024, mailing textbooks back to Omaha, order new books for next semester I suppose, do some car maintenance with some help from Mr. Y. Outube, do yoga, try to take care of My Aging Face, clean Leona's room and the hall and catchup on lectures some more, pickup groceries, and the normal daily chores (laundry, catbox, sweep, dishes). Then it's G's birthday tonight so we'll go over to do some hanging out for that. 

Have the best day you can!