Attack On Titan (or Another Small Moon of Saturn)

The day before yesterday was...fine. Partly sunny and 40s and my last shift working with a few people. Four to go. I don't feel happy about that. I don't feel all that much.

Sitting with my therapist on Friday seemed far away and not very productive. We talked about the medication. She was taken about me saying I felt kind of high and gently reminded me that there are other medications out there and to maybe think about that. She suggested buproprion and I kind of agree that that might be more the move. Not that there's going to be a medication out there that Fixes Me, but maybe there will be one that doesn't take me so close to the edge of depersonalization/disassociation. At the very least scaling back the dosage on this one.

I have an exam tomorrow I keep forgetting about.

One coworker today seemed extra-sad that the 30th is my last day. I said I'd probably just be hanging out in the cafe doing homework and they said, "Nah. It's different when you're working with someone." Which - exactly! That's exactly my point too. Sure, I could hang out with the peeps, but it just feels different when everybody's working towards something and it's on and it's popping. Humans like that very specific way of being. Sometimes it is, in a way, a respite from The Work of family life (and family life is work). I, a human, approve this message.

However, hopefully I will be able to get my shit together in a bag or a storage unit or something and finish. School. Which was a piece of advice my therapist emphasized in a super-big way last week. FIN. ISH. SCHOOL. Yes, ma'am. I think she relates pretty strongly since she, too, went to grad school after becoming a parents. And she got divorced in either the middle or right after graduating - something like that.

This week she spoke at length about having a plan for when/if S or I drink outside of the home...I think dependent on intentionality? There were parts I didn't understand and didn't have the wherewithal to ask about. She recommended I attend Al Anon at least once a week (which would be good generally, probably; for life as well as my capstone project) and talked a little bit about the individuals in the addict's life taking responsibility for their part in the addiction. Which I think...is good.