Still adjusting to the new schedule this week; I drop L off at school every day of the week and am picking her up two days a week. It's just the first, establishing, week but I kind of miss being in charge of pickups. We had a little groove where we'd go do something after school.
Monday: indoor playground. Tuesday: museum. Wednesday: library. Thursday: outdoor playground/sledding. Friday: swimming. Half days: go to panda express or something. Sometimes I'd give her an option of doing a or b on a half-day. Do you want to go to the music store or the tea room? That kind of thing.
It's an inexorable urge to Do Enriching Things. Blame it on my mom. She can blame it on her grandmothers. She doesn't really do those types of things with L, though. Hm.
I love sharing those experiences with the kids and simultaneously feel a little angry about it. Why is it always me? When I was a kid I felt like my grandparents took me to do things. Although...looking back...maybe it was just my mom, really. Field trips to the Maxey House or pioneer days or the library or the theatre or puppet shows or.... Anything much, really. Hm. I guess my grandparents just took us to Burger King and McDonalds. Good job, mom. Thank you.
When uncles and S do step up it tends to be things like Chuckee Cheese and Dave & Buster's, which I have a low tolerance for. Too expensive. Too loud. Too many people. Too liminal. I just want to scream, etc. Loop earplugs tend to help, but I'd just rather not. Going to the museum? Energizing. You can get a coffee and a snack. Look! The art! The quiet! The visible flow of time! Even the library - somewhat happy until you have to leave and suddenly the Transition Is Too Much Because Everyone Is Too Tired and Hungry to Even. I'd rather stay home and clean or read or participate in (ahem) self care while everyone else does the Mini Casino thanks.
I suppose that makes me a bad partner/friend/family member. And it's been going on for as long as I can remember. Blame it, too, on the AuDHD, I guess.
We went skiing on Sunday after work, just me and S. Closest we've gotten to a date in a coon's age (is that the correct use of the expression? Idk.). It went pretty well, I only fell on my butt once and took a knee once. Just a massive nosebleed towards the end of the ski. Still fun. Suppose I should saline spray myself before being outside for a long time while getting my heart-rate up after having an inadvisable amount of caffeine and working for 5.5 hours. Oh well. Next time.
My first cadaver lab was yesterday as you have probably gathered. It went...okay. It's weird how the brain adjusts? It just goes: this is what we're doing now? Okay.
Kind of chilling, really. The donor we're working with is a female. It did hearken back to when I felt like I should...like I owed to this goat I'd never met before.... Participating in its slaughter back in Prescott. The sadness, respect, feeling a little like I'm seeing an entity with its clothes really off. It's exhausting. I don't like it per se. I see how it's necessary. It's a bit of seriousness, a punch in the gut, a these people have donated their bodies so you can be a decent OT fucking BE A DECENT OT. In that sense.
It also makes a certain sense that they make sure it happens in the second semester. Oh well. Two labs tonight. All caught up on emergent lectures. Just two more that can be done while cleaning (Research. I like and don't like research. It's...happy nausea? I don't even know my own guts anymore. It takes me back to taking a 300 level research class with Dr. Hubele as a 17-year-old freshman. Ah. Good times. Well. He was a good time anyway. What was it he used to say? "The thing you need to know about men, Carlock [not their real last name, although he thought it was] is they lie, they lie, they lie." And he wasn't wrong, if a bit sexist.).
Bye, babes.
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