The ice dam formed again this year. No big surprise. It snowed so much. And is continuing to. We didn't shovel the roof off. I don't know, man. Where's my motivation? Why couldn't I just shovel the roof off as soon as it snowed? Why can't I just garden in the garden and mow the lawn and just do the damn thing. Why why why why why.
Picking up L from my mom's yesterday and spilling the tea about S probably quitting his job (yet again) and getting another one (which will certainly end up sending him out of town). Her question was whether or not he was still interested in joining the carpenter's union as an apprentice. (Not yet.) Whether he was dyslexic (yes) and maybe that was why he didn't want to do the paperwork (maybe? But it's certainly not...I don't know. It hasn't stopped him from doing other similar things, honestly.). I said it might have to do with his ADHD and the followthrough piece. Which I also struggle with. Which I did mention. She replied that she felt like I do as a matter of fact followthrough with "everything". I said thanks, but no. Nearly nothing. She said like what and I cited massage therapy as an example. She said she thought I just decided it wasn't something I really wanted to be involved with. Aww. Moms are very...myopic with things like that sometimes.
Anyway, if this one Instagram I follow is correct, ADHDers don't tend to be motivated by rewards systems. This is great news in the sense that it retroactively justifies a lot of my own nonsense to myself. The task itself is the reward because accomplishing it gives you the dopamine. Or is it that the dopamine is obtained by imagining the rewards moreso than actually obtaining it?
I used to have these systems where I would create rewards for myself (things like a set of space knives I really liked on Amazon or three dollar stickers from Etsy - occasionally experiences like a horseback ride or tattoo. Stuff like that.) for accomplishing x or y. Usually something like paying off a credit card or working out a certain number of days in a month, etc. The thing was that once I had accomplished x or y it wasn't fun to get the reward because now the reward itself became a task? If that makes sense? Or even if it doesn't!
Like - excellent. I have paid off all my credit cards or saved an emergency fund or worked out 26 day this month! Cool. I earned a sticker. Now I...shit. Now I have to get the sticker. Fuck. Its own special kind of hell going through the steps to do that.
Perhaps there is some correlation between ADHD and limerence. Wouldn't that explain a thing or two!
But at the same time I quite like gamifying things. So...I don't know.
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