Three nights ago I couldn't sleep. I was interrupted three times after trying to go to be early (post-Costco, post-watching the stage production recording of Spirited Away and completely muffing my daughter's dreams of scripting and performing a play based on The Digital Circus that same night). The third time I got angry and that kept me up almost all night.
Stuck in this closed-circuit system where...if I can't sleep then I can't put on a sleep story/meditation in my bed, because that'll disturb S (and rightfully so); I can't go sleep in the office, because this will Imply Things and we don't want that; I can't go sleep with L, because that's upsetting for S; I can't sleep downstairs on the couch because that, too, will imply things. After doom scrolling for a while I settled on sleeping on the couch with MST3K playing in the background.
Friendsgiving with T & V two nights ago; S chose to go to a movie with my dad instead. I'm glad they're hanging out, in a way, and surprised in another. After the massive fight we had about T & V coming over to the house, it's been in question whether S feels like they are his friends or not; we're kind of in the weeds regarding the semantics of each person's friends versus couple friends, and I feel like T & V get caught in a gray area between my friends and couple friends since she moved here when I'd just started dating S. Maybe S would have come over later, but his friend, Sc, needed comforting so I think that's where he is.
You’ll be happy to know that I still get nosebleeds - pretty profuse ones too! Blow your nose in the shower and wind up with a handful of blood and clots.
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