I do kind of remember the sensations from last time; to sum up: a flu. Or COVID? Not the strain where you throw up repeatedly, more the one where you sleep a lot (or wish you could), and may barf at any time. What do you want to eat? Do you want to eat? Is what you think you want to eat nutritionally dense enough to fuck with given the metabolic needs of *gestures broadly*? Also, it feels like you have a low-grade fever at all times. Maybe you do! Who the fuck knows.
L has been very helpful and understanding. This morning she made me some tea and decided my forehead needed a wet compress because it was "burning up". She also said that she doesn't remember anything from babyhood but, "I know one thing: babies come out whether they're ready or not".
This rotation has been pretty chill so far. I keep running into people that L knows that I know she knows, and it's a little bit of a bummer to not be able to say "Hey, I saw into Kid X today!" I don't think it violates HIPAA to put it here, though? Might get redacted. We'll see.
There are some diagnoses (and ages) that I'm not as confident on and my CI is very nice, but I have been a combination of too nauseous to ask good questions and kind of settling into thinking of interventions to try out with the kids, and he's so chill he doesn't always volunteer information between patients and they are, as I thought, back-to-back-to-back which means that there's no time to talk in-between patients. I think it'll be okay, though. Probably? I should get some level of energy around Thanksgiving. So maybe the last two weeks of fieldwork will be Gucci. I sure hope so - because I have some sort of project to do (?).
I feel like I should say something about the news, because that's been filling the spare corners of my brain; I don't have very many of those, though. For example, I deadass forgot I had a haircut scheduled for last Saturday despite several reminders and writing it in two places. What triggered the reminder? Driving past the hairdresser's former house.
Many people have said it. But they're right. This is how it begins - fascism. It's actually far past begun. We're pretty far down the path. So. So, so, so. So. Colbert. Kimmel. Eventually all news outlets? I know the aim is to make The Left despair (and don't worry - I do!), and to keep on keeping on and believe that we can make a difference with protests and grassroots political action. And I definitely do hope that! Sincerely. And I think I see the setup because, yes, I come from Christian Nationalist roots and those peeps play the long game. There's a reason the vice president is so young. There are reasons why Congress and the Senate are behaving so spinelessly (I don't know what they are, but I'm sure they're mega-shitty). There is an ocean of justification available to people who believe they are doing the Lord's work. But I don't need to tell you that.
Dreams: I dreamt that I had a toddler and he was throwing my makeup brushes away; I was at my therapist's and trying to express my frustration with the situation. She said it was my fault and got irritated at me for getting frustrated. I dreamt that there was a reunion at Belhaven; I was sitting at a long table next to someone I went to school with who IRL is or was in politics (and no, I did and do not much care for this person). I gradually realized everyone who was seated at the table was a theater person and that this was the theatre department reunion. I was having a good-enough time, but realized I wanted to get to the dance department reunion. I left the room and started making my way through an abstracted version of the commons. I found the voice department (not a thing), and passed by engineering and computer sciences. I made it outside and started walking across campus towards the arts building. It was so dark I couldn't see anymore and made it as far as an open window covered in cobwebs. I was meant to climb through it, but couldn't. I realized that I could just go back to where I parked and drive around to the arts building, but didn't want to backtrack. Then I woke up.
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