My dreams have been on-point lately. Well. By lately I mean the last two nights.
Dream One: I'm living in a house situated on some land with a swamp or wetland in one corner. For the duration of the dream the lighting is somewhat "twilight-ish". Like one of those paintings where it's perpetually sunset and perpetually burnt-umber. L is living with me and so is my mom. For some reason a coworker is there, too. I'm cleaning up one particular room in the house to rent it out and there's a kitchen attached to the bedroom. In the refrigerator there are a bunch of glass bottles filled with a sludge-like reddish substance which is labeled "Stork Marrow". I'm debating what to do with it. It's for saving orphaned stork chicks, I think.
Dream Two: I'm on a cruise ship (possibly in space? Unclear. Which, if you haven't seen Avenue 5, give that a whirl.) . L is there and so is S. I spend most of the dream wandering the ship, occasionally bumping into S or L (they're doing their own things) or other people from college or my past. Each time I ran into S we'd have a little conflict. Mostly passive-aggressive. Eventually we found ourselves with some sort of film crew owned by the cruise-line; they were either shooting a commercial for the cruise or an actual movie of some sort. They asked up to kiss - which we did. But it seemed forced, obviously. S took my phone. The cameraman said that if he sent it off to Amazon he could get all the data off the phone, they didn't care if it belonged to him or not. All he had to do was send in the sim card. S seemed sort of sneering. Triumphant? I just felt kind of...numb, but okay. But also: alone-ish on a space cruise without a phone.
One of my coworkers said she could read auras, so I asked her to read mine. She said it was "red, light blue, and...purple? You're all over the place." Which sounds right.
I'm in charge of scheduling speakers for this one student organization I'm a part of, and it was just a comedy of errors yesterday. For the last week, actually, I guess. Our yesterday speaker ended up flying in from Fairbanks to speak to us in-person, but the communication leading up to that was...lacking. So it was just myself, H and L there in-person. Sometimes I feel like I'm shouting into the void. This was one of those times. Other times I feel like I am the void and other people are shouting. This was not one of those times. She was great and I really appreciated her coming out and there was just so much last-minute pivoting that I really could have used a nap after yesterday. So...yeah!
The second official therapy session is today. I've been keeping a log of everything happens each day as regards The Situation (not the tan, gym, laundry one) which is a bit tedious and very nice on days when there's not much to write. In some ways I think it's probably long-term beneficial because a) I'll have a record for if/when my memory's a bit squirrely, and b) probably great for documentation practice! Although maybe the future doesn't care about the S (subjective) as. much as the O (objective) or the A (assessment). Things have been firmly in the neutral zone since Saturday. However, I have ordered a breathalyzer off Amazon because S was visibly intoxicated at our last session. What will I do with it? Idk man, maybe nothing. Or maybe ask him to blow into it before picking up L or participating in therapy. Giving a heads-up seems like the least-jerkiest thing to do. But also maybe I shouldn't, because my point is that: there's no reason to be altered at 4:00 PM on a Saturday afternoon when you're supposed to have custody of your daughter?
I do take it that there's been some chatter around why S isn't home yet. There's been what I expected: "Why isn't daddy home yet?" and "I miss him." Yes, girl. I got you. There's also been: "Daddy says it's your choice for him to come back. Why can't he come back yet?" which I've mainly been responding to with: "Daddy and I have been taking space so we can practice being kinder to each other. It's his choice too. But the important thing is that I love you very much and Daddy loves you very much too. All the rest is grownup stuff." 🤷 Because it's not really the best to get a kid concerned about that shit. And I guess that's another reminder to call the child therapist I have the number for.
Speaking of which, L had a potty accident in bed this morning for the first time in months. That...seems right. Anxiety be anxious-ing. But on the plus side I could just...be chill and get her into a bath without freaking out about What Daddy Is Going to Do or Say About It.
Okay, time to do dishes, catch up on the news, and get ready for the day.
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