[Written last night; edited this morning amidst The Loggening.]
I'm kind of...sick of it. And probably should wait until tomorrow to see if I really want to write anything in my journal. But maybe I'll sleep better if I do?
I'm trying to figure out what I want. Not in the this or that sense (although that may be an eventual result; and also I...know what I want. It's just a matter of if I'm allowed to want it. If you grew up the special brand of Christian you know what I mean).
But, since I asked S to do this, I feel like I should it too. So here goes:
1. I want you to find a different job so that you can...
2. ...participate in (pick one) school pickups or dropoffs. Consistently.
3. I want you to cut your drinking and marijuana use way back. Like scale it back to complete sobriety or socially only. And socially does not mean at work.
4. I want you to see a therapist - the same therapist - at least once every two weeks for the forseeable future. I understand that it can take a while to find "the right" therapist, and allow for this. Nevertheless, once you find that person, they need to be consistent in order to help you make consistent progress.
5. I also want that therapist to be someone you see in-person.
6. I still want to move closer to L's school. If we're talking about making my life so that I am less overwhelmed, I would like that (laughably short, I know, but still) commute off my plate.
7. I want to retain and rent out the home we currently reside in. This can benefit you too, since you have spoken about wanting to be a landlord at some unspecified point in the future.
8. I want you to participate in one recurring chore of your choosing consistently. Dishes, laundry, whatever. If you fail to complete it at times that's understandable. But you may not make it my problem and you may not attack me verbally to imply that it's my job to pick up the slack when you need some extra time. If you ask me nicely or trade me then that's a different situation, but overall - I need you to participate.
9. I want you to file your own PFD.
10. If something bothers you about, say, my vehicle then you have the option to either help or not. If you bring it up and I do not do anything about it immediately, you may not, then, criticize me verbally, through written medium, or acts of intimidation. You may bring it up again at intervals of 3 days, 5 days, and one week and express concern through the phrase, "X is bothering me. I want you to be safe and I'm worried X is going to cause a problem for you. I want to know that you have a plan for dealing with X."
11. I want you to participate in a weekly planning meeting; we have discussed this but never implemented it. Since you want to participate in the decision-making then you will need to participate in the planning process which involved discussion.
12. You may not dismiss my explanations of the rationale behind what I'm advocating for with phrases that do not address any element of the explanation. (e.g., "Well, I guess you just have it all figured out." "You're always like this!" "You never listen to me!", etc.) Explain your side using tangible reasons.
13. I may be friends with whomever I like of any gender, as may you.
14. I shall be able to engage in hobbies or side hustles as I like within reason as long as it does not interfere unduly with the established infrastructure - as may you. (i.e., if you want to join a band again or pick up pickle-ball with no projected end-date that's totally fine!)
15. If you wish for our daughter to engage in specific extracurricular activities, then you may either
a) ensure the proposed activity falls within the existing schedule or replaces another activity that is soon concluding
b) enroll her in and arrange for transport to and from the activity
c) directly ask me to do the above and trade me a task so that I can dedicate adequate attention to this task and accomplish it in a timely manner
16. Requests for (my) scheduling modification need to be clarified a minimum of two weeks in advance; until (likely) January 2026 no scheduling request can be honored if it conflicts with fieldwork requirements as I lack what are considered "traditional employee rights" such as requesting given time off until that time, and not likely then either unless significant advance notice is given.
17. You may not employ verbal, written, or emotional abuse tactics or intimidation techniques at any time and especially when dysregulated, instead employing techniques you learn during the course of therapy. (see section 4)
18. You may not employ intimidation techniques with our daughter including but not limited to telling her to "go to her room" in a raised tone or volume of voice or "get in the bath" after experiencing a potty accident, or similar. You may instead employ techniques you learn during the course of therapy or as a result of independent research from reputable sources. (see section 4)
19. You may not insist on contradictory expectations for sexual intercourse including telling me that "I can say no; you prefer that if I'm not 'into it'" versus telling me "You're not trying I'm the only one trying" when I exercise those rights of refusal.
20. You may not screen media of an unsettling or graphic nature when our daughter is in the room, and may not tell her to "Just stay upstairs" or "Just go to bed" in situations where I've already gone to bed and she is still awake having stayed up in hopes of spending time with you when you wish to view such media during "waking hours".
21. You may not leave empty alcohol receptacles out and about without disposing of these properly; this does not include shoving them in drawer, cabinets, under beds, in the attic, in your vehicle, or on the back deck.
22. Likewise, you may not leave nicotine pouches out and about without disposing of these properly. This includes affixing them to furniture, the floor or other loose paper products.
23. You shall attend, at a minimum, 50% of school-related after-hours events at L's school that she expresses desire to attend.
24. If possible, please raise concerns within 72 hours of experiencing them. Please feel free to use the phrase, "I need to talk to you for ten minutes at x time." to have a discussion about the concern.
25. If possible, I will raise concerns within 72 hours of experiencing them. I will use the phrase, "I need to talk to you for ten minutes at x time." to have a discussion about the concern.
...wow, I am such a dreamboat of a co-parent/relationship partner. *sigh*
Oh, and now Michelle Trachtenberg is dead. Fuck.
No comments:
Post a Comment