I'm Having a Little Trouble Processing Right Now

So this isn't going to be well-written. This week has been high-conflict to say the least and left me feeling sick with dread and worry. A husk of a person. I should not be making big decisions right now. Like joining The Alaska Club for a year. And yet. 

Watching the little ice skaters at ice skating lessons and their teachers...and thinking about how the teachers used to be little kids too. Wow. I remember when one in particular was a four-year-old in the neighboring classroom. She was showing her little class how to do a lunge on the ice and they were quite impressed. While they were awed I was remembering what her voice sounded like when she was little. All grown up. Okay, well, 18, maybe. But still! maybe none of this bullshit matters in the end. Just this passing of practice from hand-to-hand for generations. 

|I really hate that S doesn't want L to be in extracurricular activities. They bring her joy. They hold beauty. The provide occupational balance.|

Judge not lest ye be judged is the threefold rule, I think.

My personal Grey's Anatomy is still going strong at the school L attends. I forget if I've written about it before, but the latest episode is that the kid's mom (or dad? Stepsister? Stepdad?) was late to pick him up on early release day oh the horror. By Grey's Anatomy I mean that his parents both work at the hospital and both look like models, kinda. And that there's always some low- or high-key drama going on. Whether it be who's dating the mom, how late the dad is to pick up, what kind of jaw-dropping car dad's new girlfriend (or girlfriend's daughter?) is driving or what.

Speaking of drama, the cohort behind us in OT school is a hot mess. And I say that as a bit of a hot mess myself! There's chatter about a good chunk of the 14 having to re-take anatomy and kinesiology and all of them have to re-take a kinesiology practicum. Apparently they also don't have great grasp on professionalism and the head of the department was even like, "Well. Maybe we don't even have a program after ya'll!" and threw up her hands. Ope. Several of them are on academic probation. If I'm not on academic probation (gestures wildly at everything), how ya'll gonna be?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING LISTENING TO ALPHA WAVE BINAURAL BEATS ON A FRIDAY MORNING, CLARA? Wow, that's such a great question! Because I am trying to calm my sympathetic nervous system the fuck down is what!! Did it work? Nooooooo!!! 

I just finished writing the full extent (to the best of my recollection) of what happened in my log, but basically: today fucking sucked. It did. It was full of way too many things and I had a hard time sleeping Thursday night, I had a hard time staying calm today generally, and just a lot of things went wrong and I feel like I will probably never recover from some of the shit that was said to me. Over the phone over text message - just all of it. If I were a drinkin' gal I'd be drinkin'. But as it is I'm team lemon seltzer, melatonin, and sleepytime tea. I tried to make myself cry by taking a bath and listening to a death meditation but I'm too wired for even that so. I don't know. I guess I'll just light some incense, put on a sad movie and try to set up my new phone.

The card of the day? Was 10 of Swords of course!

Life's a Show / You Don't Get to Rehearse

[Written last night; edited this morning amidst The Loggening.]

I'm kind of...sick of it. And probably should wait until tomorrow to see if I really want to write anything in my journal. But maybe I'll sleep better if I do?

I'm trying to figure out what I want. Not in the this or that sense (although that may be an eventual result; and also I...know what I want. It's just a matter of if I'm allowed to want it. If you grew up the special brand of Christian you know what I mean).

But, since I asked S to do this, I feel like I should it too. So here goes:

1. I want you to find a different job so that you can...
2. ...participate in (pick one) school pickups or dropoffs. Consistently.
3. I want you to cut your drinking and marijuana use way back. Like scale it back to complete sobriety or socially only. And socially does not mean at work.
4. I want you to see a therapist - the same therapist - at least once every two weeks for the forseeable future. I understand that it can take a while to find "the right" therapist, and allow for this. Nevertheless, once you find that person, they need to be consistent in order to help you make consistent progress.
5. I also want that therapist to be someone you see in-person.
6. I still want to move closer to L's school. If we're talking about making my life so that I am less overwhelmed, I would like that (laughably short, I know, but still) commute off my plate.
7. I want to retain and rent out the home we currently reside in. This can benefit you too, since you have spoken about wanting to be a landlord at some unspecified point in the future.
8. I want you to participate in one recurring chore of your choosing consistently. Dishes, laundry, whatever. If you fail to complete it at times that's understandable. But you may not make it my problem and you may not attack me verbally to imply that it's my job to pick up the slack when you need some extra time. If you ask me nicely or trade me then that's a different situation, but overall - I need you to participate.
9. I want you to file your own PFD.
10. If something bothers you about, say, my vehicle then you have the option to either help or not. If you bring it up and I do not do anything about it immediately, you may not, then, criticize me verbally, through written medium, or acts of intimidation. You may bring it up again at intervals of 3 days, 5 days, and one week and express concern through the phrase, "X is bothering me. I want you to be safe and I'm worried X is going to cause a problem for you. I want to know that you have a plan for dealing with X."
11. I want you to participate in a weekly planning meeting; we have discussed this but never implemented it. Since you want to participate in the decision-making then you will need to participate in the planning process which involved discussion.
12. You may not dismiss my explanations of the rationale behind what I'm advocating for with phrases that do not address any element of the explanation. (e.g., "Well, I guess you just have it all figured out." "You're always like this!" "You never listen to me!", etc.) Explain your side using tangible reasons.
13. I may be friends with whomever I like of any gender, as may you.
14. I shall be able to engage in hobbies or side hustles as I like within reason as long as it does not interfere unduly with the established infrastructure - as may you. (i.e., if you want to join a band again or pick up pickle-ball with no projected end-date that's totally fine!)
15. If you wish for our daughter to engage in specific extracurricular activities, then you may either
    a) ensure the proposed activity falls within the existing schedule or replaces another activity that is soon         concluding
    b) enroll her in and arrange for transport to and from the activity
    c) directly ask me to do the above and trade me a task so that I can dedicate adequate attention to this             task and accomplish it in a timely manner
16. Requests for (my) scheduling modification need to be clarified a minimum of two weeks in advance; until (likely) January 2026 no scheduling request can be honored if it conflicts with fieldwork requirements as I lack what are considered "traditional employee rights" such as requesting given time off until that time, and not likely then either unless significant advance notice is given.
17. You may not employ verbal, written, or emotional abuse tactics or intimidation techniques at any time and especially when dysregulated, instead employing techniques you learn during the course of therapy. (see section 4)
18. You may not employ intimidation techniques with our daughter including but not limited to telling her to "go to her room" in a raised tone or volume of voice or "get in the bath" after experiencing a potty accident, or similar. You may instead employ techniques you learn during the course of therapy or as a result of independent research from reputable sources. (see section 4)
19. You may not insist on contradictory expectations for sexual intercourse including telling me that "I can say no; you prefer that if I'm not 'into it'" versus telling me "You're not trying I'm the only one trying" when I exercise those rights of refusal.
20. You may not screen media of an unsettling or graphic nature when our daughter is in the room, and may not tell her to "Just stay upstairs" or "Just go to bed" in situations where I've already gone to bed and she is still awake having stayed up in hopes of spending time with you when you wish to view such media during "waking hours".
21. You may not leave empty alcohol receptacles out and about without disposing of these properly; this does not include shoving them in drawer, cabinets, under beds, in the attic, in your vehicle, or on the back deck.
22. Likewise, you may not leave nicotine pouches out and about without disposing of these properly. This includes affixing them to furniture, the floor or other loose paper products.
23. You shall attend, at a minimum, 50% of school-related after-hours events at L's school that she expresses desire to attend.
24. If possible, please raise concerns within 72 hours of experiencing them. Please feel free to use the phrase, "I need to talk to you for ten minutes at x time." to have a discussion about the concern.
25. If possible, I will raise concerns within 72 hours of experiencing them. I will use the phrase, "I need to talk to you for ten minutes at x time." to have a discussion about the concern.

...wow, I am such a dreamboat of a co-parent/relationship partner. *sigh*

Oh, and now Michelle Trachtenberg is dead. Fuck.

RIP: Not the Acronym I Want, but I Prolly Deserve It

My dreams have been on-point lately. Well. By lately I mean the last two nights. 

Dream One: I'm living in a house situated on some land with a swamp or wetland in one corner. For the duration of the dream the lighting is somewhat "twilight-ish". Like one of those paintings where it's perpetually sunset and perpetually burnt-umber. L is living with me and so is my mom. For some reason a coworker is there, too. I'm cleaning up one particular room in the house to rent it out and there's a kitchen attached to the bedroom. In the refrigerator there are a bunch of glass bottles filled with a sludge-like reddish substance which is labeled "Stork Marrow". I'm debating what to do with it. It's for saving orphaned stork chicks, I think. 

Dream Two: I'm on a cruise ship (possibly in space? Unclear. Which, if you haven't seen Avenue 5, give that a whirl.) . L is there and so is S. I spend most of the dream wandering the ship, occasionally bumping into S or L (they're doing their own things) or other people from college or my past. Each time I ran into S we'd have a little conflict. Mostly passive-aggressive. Eventually we found ourselves with some sort of film crew owned by the cruise-line; they were either shooting a commercial for the cruise or an actual movie of some sort. They asked up to kiss - which we did. But it seemed forced, obviously. S took my phone. The cameraman said that if he sent it off to Amazon he could get all the data off the phone, they didn't care if it belonged to him or not. All he had to do was send in the sim card. S seemed sort of sneering. Triumphant? I just felt kind of...numb, but okay. But also: alone-ish on a space cruise without a phone. 

One of my coworkers said she could read auras, so I asked her to read mine. She said it was "red, light blue, and...purple? You're all over the place." Which sounds right.

I'm in charge of scheduling speakers for this one student organization I'm a part of, and it was just a comedy of errors yesterday. For the last week, actually, I guess. Our yesterday speaker ended up flying in from Fairbanks to speak to us in-person, but the communication leading up to that was...lacking. So it was just myself, H and L there in-person. Sometimes I feel like I'm shouting into the void. This was one of those times. Other times I feel like I am the void and other people are shouting. This was not one of those times. She was great and I really appreciated her coming out and there was just so much last-minute pivoting that I really could have used a nap after yesterday. So...yeah! 

The second official therapy session is today. I've been keeping a log of everything happens each day as regards The Situation (not the tan, gym, laundry one) which is a bit tedious and very nice on days when there's not much to write. In some ways I think it's probably long-term beneficial because a) I'll have a record for if/when my memory's a bit squirrely, and b) probably great for documentation practice! Although maybe the future doesn't care about the S (subjective) as. much as the O (objective) or the A (assessment). Things have been firmly in the neutral zone since Saturday. However, I have ordered a breathalyzer off Amazon because S was visibly intoxicated at our last session. What will I do with it? Idk man, maybe nothing. Or maybe ask him to blow into it before picking up L or participating in therapy. Giving a heads-up seems like the least-jerkiest thing to do. But also maybe I shouldn't, because my point is that: there's no reason to be altered at 4:00 PM on a Saturday afternoon when you're supposed to have custody of your daughter?

I do take it that there's been some chatter around why S isn't home yet. There's been what I expected: "Why isn't daddy home yet?" and "I miss him." Yes, girl. I got you. There's also been: "Daddy says it's your choice for him to come back. Why can't he come back yet?" which I've mainly been responding to with: "Daddy and I have been taking space so we can practice being kinder to each other. It's his choice too. But the important thing is that I love you very much and Daddy loves you very much too. All the rest is grownup stuff." 🤷 Because it's not really the best to get a kid concerned about that shit. And I guess that's another reminder to call the child therapist I have the number for.

Speaking of which, L had a potty accident in bed this morning for the first time in months. That...seems right. Anxiety be anxious-ing. But on the plus side I could just...be chill and get her into a bath without freaking out about What Daddy Is Going to Do or Say About It. 

Okay, time to do dishes, catch up on the news, and get ready for the day.

Not All Mountains Are Brokeback, Homes.

 The last few days have been...stressful. But last night after I dropped L off at her grandparents' house was quite restful, actually. Mainly because I took 10 mg melatonin instead of 5 mg (wink!...no, I mean that's actually what happened, it's just that I'm trying to be arch because that's the closest I get to partying anymore because I am in my Supplement Era.), did some dishes, tidied a little, put some (more) laundry away, took a bath, and fell asleep by 8:00 PM to Weird: The Al Yankovic Story. 

And then had some dreams that were serviceable and fine. The one I dreamt was that I was an OT working at a fancy hospital and there was a situation where one of the nurses needed to interview to be an Even Bigger Deal Nurse and since they needed two interviewees to comply with whatever regulations they asked me to interview too and I did a really good job, actually. She got the job and I got to feel good about my skillz as an OT at the hospital. How mundane! 

I have a detailed log that I'm going to go fill out after this before I get ready to go to work (someone wanted to switch shifts with me so I got to sleep in until 7:00 today! Wow!), but things with S have been chill, dramatic, and just tricky, in that order. Due to circumstance, user error, and then not reacting positively to boundaries, we still haven't had any couples' counseling but should have had a session by 5:00 PM today. 

I feel like school is something that happens in the spaces between everything else, but it's always been that way, I guess. I'm just irritated about it. I have a lot of catchup tonight, much of which was supposed to happen yesterday, but because of drama llamas - didn't. But it'll be okay. I can clean and watch lectures at the same time. I can mull over the feedback from my handwriting kit on a 30-minute break tomorrow and try to figure out how to piece together a sensory kit from that in the evening. Etc., etc. etc.

Now, go on with your bad self. Girl? You know you got it!*

[*optimism brought to you by adequate sleep, courtesy of David Ruffin]

You know what, Hamlet? I don't know, bud.

 - rearranging the upstairs because that's less overwhelming than making a barrage of phone calls

- a case study in which the person in the occ. profile describes being "too overwhelmed to respond to emails" which I relate to highly; which I now, come to think of it, did not address in my intervention plan. Goddammit, Clara!

- Today's being somewhat chaotic but not bad; I was able to use my therapists' advice and use the phrase, "I like the idea of x for y reason" versus getting into the weeds of WhY I feel or think it.... Because the PTSD isn’t the only thing that's complex 'round here. It's...my brain. The inside of my brain.

- I completed my homework early today (POG face), and just in time for all the best-laid plans of playdates and childcare to rearrange themselves; one of my coworkers has COVID and I was asked to switch my work schedule to closing (can't; therapy) and offered a compromise so now I'm working until 6:00 and everything got pushed back. The first playdate my child might have been able to go on today, the day of Earth presidents, hasn't substantiated yet and the other one got cut off at the knees because the kid sprained their ankle last night. 

- So cue feeling vaguely dissatisfied but quite productive.

- But I am enjoying living...semi-alone? Last night I felt stressed but...happy? Like, okay? Even 'tho hormonal and my mom's concerns about her own memory is a little sus. But I did ask her if I could do an occupational therapy profile on her, so...the more you know? *rainbow*

- But okay. Let's do this day anyway.

Offerings to/from the gods

 This weekend has been most notable for the amount of theatre consumed and the gentleman who kept coming into the cafe who wasn't oriented to reality. Today he said he brought us offerings from Caleb! ...whoever that is.

Yesterday he tried to pay to use the bathroom with pins. Like these, but from various tourist attractions. He exclaimed in pain whenever he touched them:

Today he came in bearing fir branches and brambles on his back. He set them on a table and tried asking for water to put in a water bottle he'd brought with him. He ended up abandoning the branches, someone else thought he said they were a gift. When I left six hours later he was still in the area, punching at trees, but had acquired a small yellow bag. I ended up calling the Safety Patrol because...I think that was the right thing to do? I hope?

Woof. It's hard being alive.

Otherwise, Cabaret was amazing and I spent before the show and intermission venting and catastrophizing about the future of American politics with V and crying intermittently throughout the rest of it. Chilling and perfect and...needed. Is this what happens in times of turmoil? Turn to music, turn to art? Yes.

Okay, time to figure out this assignment that's due at 9:00 PM for which I'm interviewing my mom, probably cleaning floors and doing dishes, and getting ready for the Day of Presidents. 

At least we get to sleep in tomorrow!

The reward for putting up with nonsense is more nonsense

I'm going to take this quick opportunity to blog because we're all (me, L, and the cat) up at a decent hour, it's a half day so I can justify not packing a lunch, and I pulled the Death card this morning. So maybe I should try to get my mental healths a little bit in order before whatever happens...happens!

I'm feeling less uneasy than I have been the last two days. Perhaps I haven't drunk enough caffeine yet!

+ We successfully complete all valentines for the class 24 hours earlier than I thought they were due.
- Laundry everywhere. But it's clean, tho'! The Keeping House While Drowning lady said it was fine!
+ Group projects have been going okay, as have exams that I barely studied for due to Factors, and quizzes.
- I have hella lectures to catch up on, people whose phone calls I have to return, and un-fucking my house type things that I HAVE TO DO soon. In the weeds? I am so familiar with her!
+ Conversation with my MIL went better than expected yesterday. Not best-case scenario, but not worst!
- My mother has started saying things like, "Don't be hasty (when making decisions)!" And this makes me all types of mad. In part because it's something she used to say to me all the time as a child and in part because - wow. We don't care about any of the things I've been confiding in you about, huh? Just about me staying married no matter what? Not the best, not the best.
+ I did actually sign L up for figure skating at Tha Mall and ran into one former and two current coworkers and a super-nice lady who used to talk to me about how I was going to school to become an OT and whose youngest kid I currently see once a week for OT camp at my former workplace. Is it a positive auger? Maybe. Is actually just another case of Alaska Is a Small Town? Probably.
+/- I'm going to see my favorite musical with a friend (V) I've never seen a musical with before - and really haven't hung out with much besides couple dates. I guess that could be a combination of positive and negative, but I think probably positive overall. Eh. I'm changing it to neutral. Neutral, I say!
+/- This is neutral too. S wants to starts couples therapy and we're already running into scheduling things where he's not getting back to me about times after the initial flurry of communication. But he is communicating about pickup time this afternoon - which, positive?
- I'm anticipating missing L a lot this weekend. 💔

Anyway, hope you're having a better day today and an okay-est longest shortest month. The bullshit be everywhere. It's making the floor slippery! And smell like a barn. Ew.

You know what? Sonatinas still slap.

Today I feel like all I am doing is making people cry. I had a partner development conversation with my manager and told her I'd probably be leaving at the end of April. She teared up - which I wasn't expecting. But I think she felt like shit due to being sick all week with the flu. *sigh* She's such a nice lady, in very many ways. But again. No good times. We're supposed to start writing on EVERY SINGLE CUP, GODDAMMIT. 

She said, "I don't need to tell you this, but keep it appropriate!" Well, you'd think that, but you'd be wrong! I wrote, "To Wong Foo: Thanks for everything, Julie Newmar." And I hope whoever gets that freaking loves it or is offended by it. No in-between.

Maybe I'll write "Emo loves you" and fill some Myspace era hair in on the siren next time.

JoJo, but not Siwa

It truly wasn't what I expected; but I suppose it's time. Overdue, really.

I don't feel one thing. It's way too much emotion. So here's, just, some things that happened, I guess.

I went to work yesterday as much like normal as possible. When I got home S wasn't there. He'd taken L somewhere (the mall, potentially). The location tracker on his phone said his parents' house. Then Gold Rush Liquor. He arrived home around 2:00. L seemed happy and had gotten a new stuffy that looked like a rainbow Huggy-Wuggy monster - you know the kind. She went upstairs and we sat in the living room for a time. He stared at me for a while. 

He wanted to talk about...the same things. Why did I want to do this? He couldn't do this. He would have a nervous breakdown. He wanted assurances that we (he and I) were okay, that I could be his wife. He kpet asking me over and over "What will it be? It's yes or no." Well, it's not yes or no. It can't be. I finally said that I don't feel safe with him or connected to him - and it seemed like that was what he wanted to hear. I don't know why, but something finally clicked for him. I think he just wants the same pattern. He said he wanted to go talk to my dad, then he walked over. He was there for ten minutes, maybe. Came back and was crying. Packed up a few things and said he was going to his friend's house. That he'd come by and pick up a few more thing today while I'm at work. He then texted me to tell me to transfer $4,000 from the joint account to his personal account. Which - fine. But has been its own little logistical nightmare. And does point to him perhaps being more interested in dipping than not.

L and I spent the night at my parents after texting with K a little bit. She had a dad who was frequently drunk and smashed things. I feel like she knows what she's talking about when it comes to that.

S texted me and his mom last night around 9:00 PM as I was trying to fall asleep. I worked at 5:30 this morning so I was really hoping to get some, um...good sleep. That didn't so much happen. He sort of disinvited me from the Superbowl party at his parents' house this afternoon. I tried to engage as little as possible. I'm sure he was drunk and/or high 

S: Clara says she doesn't feel safe with me in the house so I left. I'm at Josh house now
MIL: What? She's losing it
S: I'm sure she's not coming to the game. Right clara?
A: Tony and Pam are coming.
Me: It's up to you, Mid.
A: Of course you can come.
Me: Okay, we'll see you tomorrow then. Let me know if anything changes.
S: Like you feeling safe around me? I don't see how that could ever change
S: Maybe if you wear a life jacket and hold a can of bear spray while wearing a seat belt

Points for the last text for humor purposes, I guess! And points to my MIL - I am losing it! Because this shit has been slowly escalating for, like, a decade!! I feel like the only person-group who wouldn't be losing it might be sociopaths or similar!!!

And this morning it seems as though he's unfriended and blocked me on Facebook and did some sort of something on Instagram where I can see that he's followed me but has made his profile private. Whatever. He's angry. I get it. That seems like a more appropriate reaction than half the shit that has happened in the past few days.

Here's the thing, though: in a healthy relationship it should be possible to ask for space (and get it) and it be an opportunity to work on the relationship rather than...all this. It should be possible to figure out some sort of parenting agreement without it turning into all this nonsense. It makes me sad that he's trying to use L as some sort of bargaining chip to keep me in the relationship. It would be shitty - beyond shitty if he truly doesn't want to see her anymore. She's little. She doesn't deserve that. And it's shitty that he's telling me it's my fault.

I hope beyond hope that her grandparents will want to maintain their relationship with her. And I hope they see that I tried and give two fucks about the effort. I hope I'm able to continue to help them in small ways, however they may feel about that. She's little. She adores them. Other families seem to be able to do it. 

Things couldn't limp along the way they had been. I suppose that's why all this has happened.

There's starting to be some silver lining. The sun's out today, for one. For another, I'm slowly beginning to consider what I could do if I didn't have to worry about my home being chaotic. What if L could just have other kids over for playdates whenever? What if I could, someday, invite my nieces on trips or to come visit and not have to worry about them experiencing firsthand or seeing scars of conflict?

I do wish S well. I do hope he gets better. I'm not the one to do that for or with him, though.

My parents have and haven't been supportive. As a rule we all have kind of a flat affect during times of crisis, so maybe that's just what this is. But it is a little strange to me that, hearing me describe everything that's transpired recently, their main advice is to "takes some time and space and reset" to S...whatever that means. Maybe I just want to feel a little protected. And it's probably natural to. But in a sense, it's not true. I'm an adult and, at the end of the day, need to protect myself.

Okay, time to do some homework before whatever happens next...happens.

I don’t know how to do this

 It’s all my fault. But you’re the one punching holes in the wall trying to get me and the kid up at 12:45 AM to drive to your elderly parents’ house and tell them we’re getting divorced. If I were as powerful as all that I would use my powers to make you go to sleep and fix everything. Magic wand. 

But yes. I am a coward. Should have texted you. Not waited til you came home. I did make things worse. 

Sometimes My Subconscious Is Really on the Nose

 - The part of my dreams I remember the most from last night was cleaning poop and organizing...popcorn boxes...in a kitchen/office workspace that appeared to be being used by people in my cohort. A few of them were standing around, telling me I was doing a good job - but not helping. Does this reflect reality? Not really. I feel like everybody does a lot. But I did spend some time cleaning poop last night!

- ...which isn't my favorite. But mostly because I get worried about my kid. I don't remember ever being as constipated as she is and she's trying to white-knuckle it and take care of it all herself and - girl. I need to help you. You can be a big girl and need help! And yes - I do see the irony there. And at one point last night she said her tummy hurts at school all the time and she feels like her teacher won't understand if she tells her and she's crying on the inside. And that fucking broke my heart. Baby girl. Ugh. I did expect to be thinking about poop a good amount as a parent, but...I didn't expect all the painful bits? If that makes sense?

- Staying up doing homework = not doing any housework. Ugh. But also - that's the whole POINT OF SCHOOL? So, maybe NOT ugh?

- Speaking of which I spilled bleach on the computer I primarily use to take tests n' that which resulted in a ballet of going to the Mac Store two days in a row and sending it off to probably-Houston because I'll need it back to take a test next week. Why is it a "speaking of"? Because I was cleaning the upstairs bathroom in process. Oh well! At least it's clean. And so is the insidey parts of my computer. Very.

- Okay, today is Not It but I should at least be clean for it. So off to the shower with me.

How Far Back Would We Have to Go?

 Oh.

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/autistic-mothers?format=amp