Everyone at work is ADHD pretty much; almost nobody isn't, I think? The ones who aren't are hyper-competent. And then there are the rest of us, floating around like balloons responding to visual stimuli and working understandings of work expectations but the rest of it being...such a forest fire. Do you remember what it was like to work in a coffee shop in the early-to-mid 2000s? Yeah, it's not like that anymore. And I'm very grateful to have that dichotomy of experience, actually. And I'm very glad to have had the gap in-between. Then: there was time to get stuff done, third place, three minutes per order was the goal, and build the bench, set the next shift up for success. Now: 40 second drive time bitches, orders coming from at least 4 different directions, connect (but not if it interferes with drive times), and faster bitch faster more customization yeah I said it. ...and I really think that reflects on whoever's CEO at the time. The customers are pretty much the same, honestly. And they are mostly nice. And the issues they have: sometimes an obvious expression of grief that just needs and outlet and whoop, there I am. Other times legitimate. I just don't know. It's...interesting, though.
Anyway. Whenever anyone at work asks me (the old lady on shift) about music I pretty much always default to Chappell Roan. Live artist you'd want to see? Chappell Roan. Music for a road trip? "Good Luck Babe" by Chappell Roan. And at first they nodded and were like, "whatever", and now she's blowing up a little more and the know who I'm talking about. But it got me thinking about gender and sexual orientation and why might I possibly like Chappell Roan so much?
When I lived in Mississippi there was a woman who worked at my store who was (and is) gay. And she'd come in with her partner (as you do) and hang out (because the queer scene in Jackson, MS wasn't much to speak of in 2007). And it was communicated to me that I was considered "a lesbian who wasn't a lesbian". And that resonated quite a bit at the time and still does, in a way. And although I used to refer to myself as bisexual, and would refer to myself a pansexual if anyone ever asked anymore (which they don't), I wonder if that would be a quicker, more accurate, comprehensive way to frame it. Would I have sex with a woman if I were single? Maybe. I don't find myself attracted to that many people full stop and when I do it's probably a response to associations I've formed with prior experiences so. But I just don't...rule it out? But I also don't...care, I guess. But I'm also not asexual! But I'm also very fond of queer cinema and music, glitter, that type of thing. I was obsessed with The L Word in my 20s, but surprisingly have not watched much of Generation Q. I had a definite Tegan and Sara phase, love Chappell Roan and think about Margaret Cho more than most straight-leaning queer women, I suppose.
But then I grew up and spent much of my young adulthood in feminine spaces (dance; retail; early childhood). And, I suppose, am planning on continuing that as occupational therapy is characterized by something like 90% female practitioners. I am a feminist. I worry that I am a misandrist. And more and more I find myself attracted to feminine-to-hyper-feminine aesthetics - which tends to indicate a sea change of some sort. What's my point? ...I can't say I have one.
Although I'm vaguely worried it's AI, I'll leave you with this.
Talk on the phone
Hours at night
Trees are green
And the flowers bloom
Sun in the sky
Lighter at night
Trees are green
And the flowers bloom
Yeah I know
How I want to heal
Yeah I know
How I want to feel
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