I've been touchy lately. Maybe it's hormones. Maybe it's the fact that things are no longer free and breezy now and I know in my lil' heart that even though documentation is getting faster it's going to have to be hella fast come September. Maybe it's that things are winding down with this fieldwork and that, although I'm enjoying myself (and boy do I enjoy counting down things/to things), I find myself reflecting a lot on the thought that I just don't know how to do this.
Be a person. I mean, I do. But it's.... Hm. I'm making judgement calls on what to share about myself left, right, up, and down. And that's okay. I can't insta-share everything all the time. And it makes more sense to me to be lightly improvisatory with my therapeutic use of self. Curate myself a little more? This person doesn't probably want to hear about burlesque, this person doesn't probably want to hear about goats, and this person probably doesn't want to hear about politics. Everybody does this, yes? I just feel weird about it if I think about it too hard.*
But nevertheless I'm doing fine? Like, I chose a profession that is a cool little Venn diagram that mostly has things I'm pretty damn good at in the...uh..overlapping parts.
Oh well! I'm drowning in adult responsibilities I am ignoring for other adult responsibilities, getting caught in big sits and reading novels that are aggressively mid*** or getting caught up in playdates and last-minute kid parties. Or washing the dishes. Literally ran out of spoons yesterday. Did you know it's possible for a tween to live on cinnamon toast crunch and ramen alone? Speaking of tweens...
One of my favorite things recently has been N educating me about Gen Z/alpha slang in the car in the mornings on my way to drop him and his sister off. What I really want is an Instagram or Tiktok channel dedicated to someone dressed up in 1930s fashion using Gen Z/alpha slang with a transatlantic accent. Or in what I've begun to think of as Post-WWII Cocaine Patter.
You only get one good segue and I already used it up for this entry, so: Gen Z stare this, Gen Z stare that - the first thing I thought of when I heard the term was that it was very Aubrey Plaza-coded and isn't she the OG Millenial, really? ...I dunno. Aren't we all just trying to distract ourselves from the apocalypse at this point? *buries head in hands*
An actual exchange that happened today:
"There's a[n internet] troll who lives in New York City and-."
"Does he live in Central Park?"
"Uh...I don't know."
The shortest book review ever: Smart but Scattered (Dawson & Guare, 2008). I didn't appreciate the tone. Please, please, please don't spend half the book telling me how kids with ADHD can't! Seem! To do! Shit! We already have RSD, we know, alright already. More infographics, please.
Okay, off to chart review and then act like an adult up to and including conducting an interview and then synthesizing data. W00t w00t!
*Like when I was concerned about not connecting with people in church and not having friends and my mom told me that I just needed to pretend**! Pretend you're in a play! Tell me you're masking without telling me you're masking.
**But cue up my college freakout about whether or not I was being authentic in all my relationships. Which mostly just earned the side-eye from various roommates and friends.
***Since writing the first draft of this entry I have finished this and it continued to be just okay! Even the sexy bits were just okay. 🤷 Moving on up and out!
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