There's a phrase that's new-ish (I think?) that I feel was very much needed - for my life experience, anyway. It's down bad.
I think of it as depression's cousin; I'm missing something or Something Is Vaguely Wrong or I know I need to sit with and process my emotions but I just fucking hate spending the time on it without the peer pressure of an appointment and a person either providing body doubling or feedback to bump up against. Sometimes I allow myself to mourn a little bit in the time it takes me to drive from work to home (ten minutes on a sloggy day). That's good, right?
Anyway. I'm down bad right now for various reasons. I'm happy to say none of those reasons include the weather.
Some things to try for falling asleep:
1. white noise and a weighted blanket, obvi.
2. do that yoga thing where you start with yourself and then move outward ending with the entire world, saying "May I be well, may I be healthy, may I be at peace". I've started moving outward geographically or by closeness of person in the family sense, but you can modify however you wish.
3. try to remember some choreography; it doesn't matter which one.
4. play "I love my love with an A"; it's a 19th century name game where you go through all the letters of the alphabet and assign a name that starts with that letter, a reason why you love them, where they live, what they eat, and some other quality it doesn't matter what. (e.g., "I love my love with an A. I love her because she is avaricious. I hate her because she is affable. She lives in Atlanta. She dines on asparagus and apples. Her name is Agatha.")
5. try to remember the setup of a place you've lived before for the future purpose of building a memory palace with it; never actually build
And with that, it's time for bed. Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.
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