I am over lots of things right now. Like my allergic reaction to contact solution, allergic reaction to trees, competitive anything, and the losing battle of my house/life. So let's dig into that, I guess:
- Why. Why. Why discontinue the only contact solution that works for me? Fuck. If I have to hear "Your eyes look red and angry, friend...." one more time I will fucking scream. Benadryl makes me feel angry, eye drops historically have not been helpful. So: massive fucking shrug, I guess.
- I truly hate using the term "friends" to refer to grown ass adults. Or even kids, sometimes, at this point I suppose. I am not a Quaker. Neither are you. I just fucking can't with it. Calling me friend is a surefire way to get me to feel default a bit upset. And I feel like I have to suck it up because I live in The North and that's just the way people talk 'round here. *sigh*
- Ten bucks says S will last-minute decide he doesn't want to go to this Spring Banquet-type-thing here and I will either be going by myself or asking my dad if he wants to go because he tends to like that sort of thing. Secondary bet: S will go, but have drunk like half a bottle of tequila first and be barely coherent the entire time. I have no tertiary bet.
- You know how I've been trying to gamify food lately, right? In an effort to make myself eat more food groups? Limited success with that, but I have been throwing a few more veggies and fruits in there so - yay? But anyway, for next month I was kind of on the fence as to do a keto-ish thing or something different and I was remembering how Shakeology was a thing and wow did I forget how expensive those shake packets are. Like I suppose if you break it down by day it's not so bad (and in this economy it feels like eating itself is just setting money on fire constantly) but damn. So keto it is, then, I guess. This one app I got grades the types of food I eat based on some criteria as A-F, I think. And the basic thing is that I am not eating very well. No judgement, it's just not so much happening.
- I feel like I'm a little better able to gauge whether I'm feeling crappy due to hunger, fatigue, stress, or thirst which is overall improvement. So, again, yay?
- In a post I didn't publish I spoke about discontinuing services with the university psychological services center due to several reasons, and yesterday I kept getting phone calls and messages from the pysch student there who's been handling my case which is honestly very stressful and disruptive. Especially as we'd just gotten done with an assessment evaluating my level of social anxiety and generalized anxiety and we ended the session with me talking about how I don't like parties and social gatherings without clearly defined roles, etc. Well, guess what else falls under social anxiety? Phone calls and messages. Blah. The first one was just to say that our next session is going to be our last and he wasn't sure he'd told me that (he hadn't; I was already aware because scheduling is hella necessary to my survival). I'm not sure what the second message is about because I've only glanced at the transcript and last night was busy with:
- This meeting about how our cohort's semester is going (mostly fine; I have different beef bouillons than almost everyone else in the cohort so I'll just reach out about that separately if I remember, I guess. I'm never sure if something is a systemic problem or a "me" problem. So.), and then this Jeopardy-like contest in which all the most competitive people got placed on the same team and the less competitive people got placed on the other team. Should have been fine, right? I would have thought so too! However. A and I got really upset especially toward the end because the other team started being extremely disruptive to our team's attempts to do MMT and ROM evaluations. And anyway, I think the reason I got so upset was because: shame. I can't fucking handle being shamed. It makes me angry. It's not about the winning per se, it's about the way the winners handle it. I could absolutely not go on a show like Squid Games (the non-homicidal version) because I could not handle that type of thing.
- Okay. I'd better study for the test I have on Monday and take a gander at that one thing that's due tomorrow. Ciao, bella.
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