Dis-Ease

 I flipped a coin to decide whether I should go or not because you didn’t want to. To a friend’s birthday party. And it came up heads, so I went. I thought I’d just be dropping by and leaving. But that’s not how it went. And I didn’t tell you. I don’t know why. I should have. And then the time the party was supposed to be over I texted you to tell you it wasn’t yet. And you said, “so you’re not coming home anytime soon?” I said “Not yet .” And then I brought you cake. But I should have just left. Or texted you. But I didn’t do either of those things. I am tired. Is it normal for this to be such an issue? I came home and pushed cake at you. But you are angry. And that’s understandable. You went to bed without looking at me. And I understand.

However, a big part of the most self-interested piece of me says: you were supposed to come. You didn’t. That was your choice. Childcare was lined up. These people went out with us last weekend and our kids are friends. I know you’re tired but I should be there for their birthday. For a moment I thought you were being the supportive husband. But no. You’re And I’m not really sorry I went to the party and cried hearing L2 talking about their aneurysm and coming back to Alaska one year ago today. I’m a little sorry you didn’t come. You could have had filet mignon and drank whisky and L could have been watched by my parents like I had arranged and we could have left early because: babysitters. And if I had a dollar for every time I had no clue what was going on with you during band practice? I would have some dollars.

But I see why you would be upset. And I am perfectly okay. Not talking about it tonight. 

Maybe you didn’t feel like parenting this evening. 

Maybe I shouldn’t tell L2 that you want to take the girls somewhere this weekend because maybe you don’t anymore. Maybe I should frame that with some information about how you’re upset with me. Probably not.

But probably I am just going to finish my wine and go to bed. Because I have work in the morning.