I took a "home day" from driving L to school today. Partly because this week just seemed so long. It was probably for the best, because L slept in pretty neatly and it turned out to be a half-day that I'd forgotten about. So that avoided the particular types of drama that would have gone along with forgetting about the half-day, driving home and discovering it, and then getting nothing done but driving 20 minutes back to her school again almost immediately. Sigh.
So we're just chilling. I'm doing bits of chores and choreography and drinking coffee. And debating on whether to pursue the research track for school. I don't have time. But I feel like I would very much regret it if I didn't. Very weird feelings all around.
We're supposed to go see Dune II with friends at some point while grandparents do childcare. That should be fun...? Inasmuch as anything involving group hangs is...fun? For me?
Spring break is next week which means I will have a self-care day on Tuesday and otherwise just catch up on a Kinesiology lecture and hit the anatomy flashcards pretty hard. I have 16 hours of fieldwork to do next week which complicates childcare pickup and dropoff...but not more than usual, I guess. It also complicates a hair appointment and therapy, and I suppose I should do that today too - reschedule, I mean.
My therapist has apparently given it some thought and after letting me rant for about an hour last week, he said actually he wanted to do an evaluation on my attachment style and try IPE therapy which I think is fantastic. My guesses are a draw between: Insecure Avoidant Attachment and Insecure Dismissive Attachment styles.
Re: L's school I'm still trying to toe the line between being a MONSTER and HONEST ABOUT MY PERCEPTIONS, PRIORITIES, and PREFERENCES. Had a brief conversation with S last night about how I'm starting to notice there's just one faculty member in particular who seems to have difficulties with treating kindergartners in developmentally appropriate ways. And that when I say that, I mean that she said something that made L cry yesterday when she was just trying to fucking help a toddler put their boots on. Le sigh. I get that everyone has bad days, but this person...just seems to struggle with kindergarten-age children in particular. Anyway, I'm tracking it. I don't know if it warrants a meeting or if there's a two-approach rule or anything like that but the goal is to address it at some point*.
One of the questions on the survey about L's school vibes was: "Are you dealing with trauma related to your own school experiences?" And...yes? But those places were very unlike this place. AND those places were very unlike this place. Someone in my cohort is also a mom and we spoke a little bit about her experiences with her children's first school, and her takeaway was that not every school is the right fit for every child and we have options. And...we do? And that's certainly
I honestly hate being triggered (almost) every morning for different reasons. I DON'T FEEL LIKE THIS IS A RESULT OF PRIOR TRAUMA. I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A RESULT OF Y(A'LL)OU NOT FUCKING DOING YOUR JOB. ...it's an inside job, self. An inside job an inside job an inside job deep breath deep breath deep breath show up for her show up for yourself show up for her show up for yourself-
*update: the last two days this faculty member has been much much more mindful about their communication style so far as I've seen. I wonder if someone else has already spoken to them. Whatever the reason, I am grateful.
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