In-"tarot"-ception

Called in sick today. I'd made it out of bed, dressed, drunk about half my Celsius energy drink, showered, selected the red smokehouse earrings, brushed my teeth, fed the cat, pulled the tarot card (Knight of Swords), and driven 3/4 of the way to work. But I just...felt like trash. Allergies? A cold? Something else? I don't know. But trash. And also: the storm of me trying to psych myself up for calling in. The push-pull. Ugh. There's a little bit of a flowchart to it, too or coding: IF "call in" THEN "no easter egg hunt" which = bummer for L. IF "no call in" THEN "easter egg hunt" which = possibly infecting a bunch of kids with a virus (maybe?) and also just ignoring how I feel and continuing to be a hot trash fire. *sigh*

And then there's IF "call in" THEN do I call in tomorrow? Do I not? Do I just wait and see how I feel (the horror!)? Does L still go to school? Do we just have a home day and I ask H if we can just do a zoom tutoring session? Probably. Too. Many. Decisions. 

You know what? Making decisions is too much sometimes. Here's a short list of things I hate making decisions about:

• dinner
• plague protocols
• how to respond to tests (unfortunately similar to a drop-down menu with high stakes)
• school decisions (L)
• what to get to drink
• calling in versus not calling in to work for illness (because WHAT SEVERITY IS SEVERE ENOUGH? WHAT?); this is similar to plague protocols but also a little different.
• what to eat generally (intuitive eating is a NIGHTMARE, probably because poor interoception)
• what to do next
• what to do first
  
• what I want for my birthday/Christmas/mother's day

I really want to like this research class but I am very unfortunately out of fucks to give. I like research generally! But at least one of the things raises my hackles (rejecting the null versus accepting the null; I was given to understand that in statistics we were supposed to reject the null or fail to reject the null), and the rest of them are just sort of...I don't know. All over the place. Maybe that's just research for you? Blah.

I got the worst Easter basket imaginable from Target. It was Mario themed (which was fine) but it just had...four things in it? One of which was somewhat confusing. A tube with a slot. Nothing in the tube. Just an empty tube. S said he thought it might be a piggybank? Probably.

Spring is trying to come but, then, it started snowing again today.

We had a small tea party after Easter stuff today. L still doesn't like peppermint tea and that was all we had so: more for me.