Speaking of waiting....
I'm waiting outside the PELL Room waiting for a turn with it to take an exam. The room I was going to use was supposed to be empty all day but one of my coworkers is using it for a meeting. She never does that!
So I'm going to take it as a sign to a) study more but b) also take a breath and write it out for a few minutes because ah bin running today. I like Anatomy and Physiology mostly. I really do! The disorders especially are interesting (what can I say? Fatal attraction to drama.). But for whatever reason I don't focus on The Right Things.
And I'll be honest - I'm really sketch on how countercurrent exchange and multiplication work. For me to get an A in this class would be a full-time job. Full stop. *sigh*
Anyway. How's everything else going? Um. Fast. Things are going very quickly.
That interview I'm excited about got bumped up to Friday afternoon. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. In a good way! Fuck! But also, my thoughts aren't clear at the best of times. Plus, what did I even write about in my essay? It's only a thirty minute interview! How do I clearly state anything? Wish me luck.
Friday is also the day we find out which schools if any Leels got into (previously I'd been hoping for language immersion; now I'm hoping for the optional program what with her attention stuff being what it is).
You know how I've spent, like, 11 years in early childhood? How I mention that every five minutes? Right? So, before she was born I was gifted two "lovies" (this is what children call their special transition objects; I didn't know that before The Initiation and now you do too) and they were both unicorns. So I was pretty stoked - they were identical and to me that meant I could keep one at school and one at home and that could be her transition object and *dusts hands off* that's that!
No, however. That was not that. Leela cared not for anything or anyone but me. Fuck a transition object. She wants real, live people goddammit. And in some ways that's still how it is. There's a bit of irony in that. And a bit of revelation too.
When I was younger I would have said that I wasn't a very "attached" person, didn't easily make friends, and had trouble expressing affection in conventional ways. While I'm not clear on exactly when the shift happened I (since having Leels) believe that there was a shift and that probably when I was little I was much like her.
So anyway, my two points are that I hope that I can give her the type of secure attachment she needs to be a Less Broken Person Than Me, and that I can really take in and remember the love and snuggles she gave me before the separation of adolescence takes her.
Topics for next time: mom stuff (my mom and others' moms), money, and the ways in which I am and am not modeling effective habits and self-management for My Child.
Oh. Wish me luck on this test, too!
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