I used to dream only about one or two people, the rest of my dreams being populated by strangers. But lately I've been seeing more and more familiar faces. I've made little notes the morning after each person appears, but it's really too much to keep up with. Past workplaces - like the preschool and the siren. There are dreams about N (he was a really supportive, good friend who moved to Washington, like we all hope to do someday). Dreams about returning to preschool (I was the younger toddler room teacher's TA in one and helping a new preschool teacher set up their classroom in my old one in another). Dreams about working at the siren and struggling to keep up during peak (classic stress dream! Good job, subconscious.) Seeing J again and getting a glimpse of his life now. Mundane and lovely. Walks and chores, love for his partner and life. The little things making it worthwhile. Even sexy-time dreams about F and J2! (Those somehow turned into getting stressed about living in/moving into/out of some sort of dilapidated apartment that was definitely giving early 90s Seattle.)
I finally finished North of North which was heckin' cute but could had more potential than it realized, I think. But it was good to watch at the gym since I'm dipping in and out of Love On the Spectrum. Some of my (Facebook) friends have said they believe it to be infantilizing and I suppose they're right. But they have had some Level I peeps on the show and higher-masking individuals, but tend a little bit more towards lower-masking individuals for repeat guests. Like James! James, in my quite unprofessional opinion, is somewhat low-masking. He is also how I feel on the inside quite a lot! James is an icon. Just: trust. I am internally groaning and muttering to myself about something or other in a crotchety way all the damn time I promise. I think I've mentioned it before (my quick search says no), but my Myspace handle used to be fatboyinnatightspace. I stole it one day when I was trying to get by a few people in the back room at the fourth Starbucks I worked at when my manager said, "Whoa. Fat boy in a tight space here!" And I realized that I, too, felt like a fat boy in a tight space. And you know what? Sometimes I still do.
Sometimes I don't really want cisgender femininity. And not just because I perform it badly! Also because it's damaging and a waste of time in some ways. Depending on your culture, if you're a man, you're probably not bombarded with societal messages about your habitus and elective cosmetic stuff you need to do. Actually, you know what? I'm wrong. Male eating disorders are chronically underrepresented and just as damaging as any other gender's eating disorders. Don't mind me, I am no old.
Persuasion (persuasiveness? Debate team) is the devil.
Okay, bye.
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