My life has scanted (does that work?  I think it works.) into a series of to-do lists and things I can and cannot eat, days I can and cannot eat them, amounts of water I must drink and minimum amounts of physical activity.  Goals and tests and things.  Rehearsals and journals.  Memorization.  It's basically like college.  Except I appear to care a little more now.

I find myself on the cusp of another anniversary.  This will be year two coming up.  Things are okay.  Not amazing.  But good.

Psychological quirk: I think I've probably experienced enough love for my lifetime.  Like the breath-catching, staying-up-all-night-talking, butterflies, heartbreak, deep "everlasting" connection kind of love.  I've experience that.  Feel like I've had two shots at happiness and fucked them both up pretty well.

So where I am right now is Switzerland.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lw-rZ73H7Q
Nothing wrong with that.  Just means I keep my pretty mouth shut when it comes to My Boyfriend So Romantic pissing contests.  He's attractive and nerdy and he cleans up nice and is not psychologically, physically or emotionally abusive!  So: win.

(I have trouble feeling connected to other people.  Don't worry.  I'm not a sociopath, it just takes a lot to feel involved, connected, a part of, as though I've shared an experience with and God knows I'm lazy.  I feel bad about it.  And simultaneously relieved.  Because, guess what?  If you think I'm not worth your time and effort?  ...you're probably right.  And no hard feelings, mate.)

It's spring, so the snow has started to receded.  Much of the remaining snow is black.  The ice is melting in that special, weird, squicky Starcraft brood mother way.  It half-hearted powdered yesterday.  It will do so again today.  And again in April.  There's so.  Much.  Daylight.  Already.

It's spring, so everything is burdened with All The Memories.  Which is good for certain things and bad for others.  Between these different types of energy that wind themselves around me and emerge from my sternum, fingertips and hip flexors and the soil beneath the snow, I realize it's going to be another sleepless summer.