Wow Tim Curry Really Is In Everything Isn't He?

Christmas pageants exist and they're just the same as they ever were. Verbatim reading/reciting Bible verses interspersed with Christmas songs. The casting of three wise men wasn't as racist as I was concerned it might be with the exception that one of the wise men was, in irl, named Salome. 

The woman running the show appeared stressed af about the whole experience and copped an attitude with L for following the directions her teacher gave her to go sit in the front row next to the piano. All of a sudden it became, "Where's the rest of your class? Why didn't you all come down together?" Chill, lady. The answers are, sequentially: I don't know, those bitches don't appear to know what a call time is. And: Were we supposed to? There appears to have been some intra-production team miscommunication.

I sat through the walk-through and the pageant itself, which took 2 hours, and then had to leave because that's the point at which the visceral discomfort I experience when in a church becomes unbearable.

Plus I'd already been to Costco, my own church, and visiting with my in-laws that day after which my parents got all pushy with me about things like having a program and a candle (As a keepsake! ...even though L's name is nowhere to be found in the program.) so I was kind of at-capacity when I walked in. 

Anyway, today and this week has been all about: Stardew Valley mostly (I'm trying to cultivate relationships with all townies equally), dishes & laundry, actually cooking, figuring out infant items (there's a tedious list of Things and Stuff that accompany babies even if you [I] are [am] planning on a skeleton crew situation), going to Ace Hardware, the gym, reading, and having Home Alone 2 on in the background.

Oh, and for being -5 degrees outside. Still.

Merry n' Bright

Chasing my tail (mentally). 

I deadass forgot that L had a drum lesson yesterday, but I did bake two batches of cookies, pickup some newborn clothes on the buy-nothing group, and get some extraneous holiday stockings sent off.

The boys arrive today, weather permitting, and it's been cold as hell. Hovering between -7 and 2 degrees yesterday, and supposed to be much colder next week. Merry Christmas!*

The news in the news is the news. Nothing much surprising is happening. Local news is a little more actionable, but still doesn't tend towards the good. There's an $8 million shortfall for the school budget next year (Again? How? Jesus Fuck - how?) and they're toying with ideas like shorting the special education budget or moving to a four-day school week. *sigh*

I think I've mostly accepted that this last week was for resting. And, I mean, it's the last rest I'll get for a long time probably!

Have been reading Marble Hall Murders by Anthony Horowitz, and wending my way through a backlog of podcasts. My current notions about fulfilling murder mysteries are that they ought to be British, with a female protagonist, ideally in her 40s-50s, hopefully a POC (but if not it's not a deal-breaker). 

Okay, time to scrape together the motivation to do the things I need to do. Maybe even want to do!

* ...and stay the fuck inside!

Just a Lil' Catchup

Psych hospital training - has been rather lovely, but too early. The sun peeking over the mountains and talking about dignity and imminent versus immediate danger, The history of the hospital. The parking lot overlooks the place I worked for eleven year, so yesterday I peeked out and happened to see a teacher I know who worked there before I started and works there still, heading off for lunch like usual. Dressed in shorts and the a puffer coat in 7-degree weather. 

Necklace-making playdate - L had a playdate with someone she used to go to school with at her house (which was very nice), and the mom had texted that she had an activity "planned for us". By that, evidently, she meant that she wanted to make jewelry with me while the girls played. They ordered pizza and we chatted and made necklaces, and it took a good thirty minutes to adjust but I ended up liking it because I like having An Activity to do while socializing, and I finally realized that I probably wasn't going to be judged for having subpar design skills. She asked what my hobbies were and I didn't have a good answer for her. Burlesque? But she didn't seem to know what that was, and I didn't get into explaining it in detail aside from that the costumes were rhinestoned.

How to be a friend in your 30s: It was a lovely time, and she was very hospitable (including sending dolls and a play car home with L) and, even, mind you, this isn't a kid that L has been in class with since kindergarten. So now I know I need to reciprocate (and soon!) but I'm still trying to figure out how, since it's difficult to keep my house in shareable condition. I had a good week after the Thanksgiving playdate but that's since fallen apart. And somebody recently got injured at the trampoline park (which was the other option). So I'm gonna have to get...creative. and I don't feel creative, I feel dull. There's a sense that I only have two weeks to figure it out. Tick-tock!*

Capstone, blarg: Somehow, someway, the online version of Microsoft my school espouses ate my capstone document. One day things were fine and it was updating, the next my mentor had left some comments to resolve, and the day after that, there appeared to be ~495 views on the document (???) and I got a message saying it was corrupted and suggesting I work on it offline. Great. I have a Mac and don't have the wherewithal to figure out the whole opening Command Prompt and trying to run...whatever needed to happen to recover the document. As an elder millennial I am aware this is an option that exists on this earth, but at the time it just seemed easier to rebuild the document from the ground up and upload it to the stupid folder in the stupid Creighton cloud (?). Which I (stupidly!) then I did. And am now not clear on several key details including: did my mentor sign it? Do all the signatures need to be on the same document because if so I need to do some Additional Steps, but this hasn't been directly communicated and I am tired with poor quality of attention so.... Yeah. I really need to get my shit together and followup on that. Good point. Dammit. 

The rest of this post will be a list, because I have meant to be working on this for quite a while but have been sucked into a delightful combination of hibernation, ennui, and anhedonia:

• I have. So many. Gray hairs. Well, not all that many. But I think I might be looking at full-on Andie MacDowell by 50. Which I'm not mad at.
• Am on a big Escape To the Country kick. It's just so damn soothing! Beautiful countryside, you learn a little bit about some sort of niche artisan craft, and then the couple looking at houses almost invariably decides not to pursue any of the homes they've been shown. Which is way more like real life than HGTV. And the British host tends to make a lot more off-the-cuff remarks about their clients than the HGTV realtors. Best they can do is the side-eye.
• There has also been much in the way of pasta from Costco. The only problem with this is that everything from Costco tastes just a little bit like...Costco. You know what I mean.
• During my orientation at psych hospital my start time was 7:00 AM which means I had to get up at 5:00 AM. I'm not really made for getting up at 5:00 AM.
• L had a drum recital in which she played along to a backing track of "We Will Rock You" and perseverated on the coolest shirt to wear**; she also had a folk dance recital for school which was, in no particular order, a hot mess, super-stressful, overwhelming (meltdown for me, tears/meltdown for her), and sort of cute. there was a cake/pie auction, a jazz band, regular orchestra, and some sort of advanced orchestra.
• S is back from Cordova and things have been alright. No notes at the moment, but we're staring down the barrel of last year's Christmas fiasco, so who knows! We had a brief conversation lately in which he asked if we had nachos for Christmas Eve last year. Bestie, I don't think so? As I recall there were cookies burning in the oven when I got home and...it just wasn't a good scene. I think I wrote about it last year. Anyway. So far better than all that.
• Have unfortunately downloaded Stardew Valley again, and although it is fun and relaxing (in a way), it's also terribly addictive. It does feel different than the first time, though. 
• Very short list of British musicians who are living the dream:
• Enya, Kate Bush, Patrick Wolf. Well. A dream, anyway.

*We ended up going to the trampoline park anyway and nobody was injured. Someone did throw up, but not one of ours, and the dad fielding the kid did the classic move of catching vomit in his hands. That? Deserves the Mockingjay salute. 

**Black loose fit T from summer camp 2024 she'd made a rockfish print on, if you're interested.

Where We're Going - We Don't Need Segues

Despite S's reductive stance on inter-gender friendships, he now has at least three women in his life who I think I would characterize as friends. And you know what? I'm all for it. These are only through AA, as of now, but I'm hopeful for the future. I don't want to be all like: see? See? Does it not expand your perspective and bring goodness into your life and not make everything about sex and power? But also: I do! I do want to gloat a bit.*

Sort of related: the wife of the man he most recently had a freakout about who have a daughter who was in ...you know what? I'm just going to link it HERE. (Edit 12/9/25: Wow did I not proofread. Fixed now, but Yeezus, sorry!) Okay. That situation, right? The wife brings her other kid to OT at the my current fieldwork site and wow is it awkward. She hasn't outright asked, "So, why haven't you responded to my husband about a playdate for our kids since we live in the same neighborhood?" But we're both thinking about it very loudly. And I blush and make small talk and want to die of embarrassment. I've done many similar things on my own time without any interference from S, but rest assured - those other things were embarrassing too. THE CRINGE.

A quote I came across while completing The Scoping Literature Table o' Doom: "...a writer and philosopher, Herman Hesse reckoned that: “essentially, people express freedom only in their choice of dependency.”

Which: sure. Who among us, amirite?

We were talking (read: I was monologuing) about The Logistics of childcare and how I was relieved New Kid has gotten into infant care in a good daycare hereafter to be referred to as Hplace (*swish*)** which will cost us $2,000 a month (yes, you read that right) but still and S got a bit quiet and hurt and reiterated that he wanted to stay home with the baby. Which...*sigh*. That's good, right? This is what we want?

Except for that I have a nagging feeling about it. And while at first I couldn't really put my finger on it as I was talking to M (student friend; at the same fieldwork with me) about it, she said, "...didn't he forget L at home like 9 months ago?" Which...actually? Yes. Yes to the forgot thing not the 9 months thing. So that's kind of a Factor in this column. As is the feeling I constantly have where look; nothing in life is guaranteed especially not that S will do what he says he's going to do. And while I don't have Big Feelings about it at the moment due to generalized busyness, meds, and whatever hormones pregnancy is throwing my way I do remember it. In my bones. So yeah: I'm gonna need to plan for the worst and hope for the best here.

And, I thought I wrote about it at some point, but a quick search revealed differently - my witchy aunt had a dream in January 2024 about my daughter telling me to take extra care and protect her from "someone unsavory around her while unattended". She said someone was supposed to be watching her for a little while and that she was at their house which was very cluttered and messy (which honestly sounds as much like my house as not) with a lot of chaos. Many random strangers were roaming around coming in and out of the house and a man she didn't recognize sleeping in the bedroom amongst all the mess. And that I was very upset she'd been left alone.

And perhaps that's hokum. And perhaps it does not refer to S specifically or all men writ large or anything. But she was left home alone about 6 months later. 

Okay, I'm going to transition my brain back to the real-real now. Last day of fieldwork today! Two more interventions (or maybe three!) A rat's nest of paper to clear out! One laminating job! Figuring out dinner before picking L up and heading to a School Function tonight in which she sings about tailors and mice (I think???)! And psyching myself up for a playdate tomorrow afternoon. Woo to the hoo. Let's go, 6-7 and all that.

- considerations around childcare; S versus Hplace versus a secret third place.

*As far as I know these friendships have not actually changed his opinion on friendships between genders, however.

**And Hplace is only Plan A because it's what's panned out so far. I have a Plan B in the works which doesn't even involve S staying home. Most of the time I am Type C but with some very specific parts of life I am very much Type A, thanks. Look! A three-year-plan and a chart!