I spilled coffee on my computer yesterday. I think I would be losing my shit were I still in my mid-20s. As it is, I'm okay. It's annoying, but there's a special kind of autopilot that gets unlocked in your 30s where parts of one's brain kick in and a cascade of if/then options peels off and you do The Things You Have To. Well, mostly.
My executive functioning is certainly not All That. But I do okay in semi-emergencies, for sure.
God. She loves swimming. I like being in the water, but not swimming.
I have to submit my list o' destiny in a few days. I'm going to try a candle spell, I think. I don't do a lot of magic anymore.
Things I don't do that I want to do/wanted to do/thought I'd do:
- magic
- have an altar
- observe the turning of the year
- share my beliefs joyfully with my kid(s)
- cook
- have family dinner every night
- clean sort of intensively weekly
- work out five times a week
- split child care tasks in a predictable way with my co-parent
...back when we were looking for a house (and when I thought change was possible; I suppose it still is, but I don't feel it - you know?) I imagined things like game nights every week. Movie nights. Task splitting on the weekends - I might take the kids in the mornings Saturday and Sunday and then one afternoon would be for cleaning (my chores!) and the other afternoon would be for relaxing. And then he'd get to do the same, just in reverse. But it hasn't quite happened. And I've just lost interest, I think.
I still feel like things should be different, but as to how? I don't know where to start. Maybe major upheaval is what is needed.
In which case should I do magic at all? Or should I just let it take its course - whatever that is. The moon is waning, anyway. How likely is it that it'll work, you know?
But - I have to be able to say that at least I tried. Right?
Several million assignments due; three final exams; two more labs; one more presentation; one kinda beefy paper.
Wish me luck, sirs.
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